


No Air in My Lungs

by darthkylorevan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, benarmie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 06:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthkylorevan/pseuds/darthkylorevan
Summary: Ben only knew the man’s name from the mailboxes, that name printed neatly under the number. He was about 85% sure it was his last name, but he knew next to nothing about the man, otherwise.Except for the fact that he was utterly gorgeous and always, always on his phone.





	No Air in My Lungs

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt list found on tumblr
> 
> "‘EVERY TIME WE’RE IN THE ELEVATOR YOU’RE ON YOUR DAMN PHONE and it makes it really hard to hit on you’" 
> 
> thanks so much to [sstensland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sstensland) for her support as i wrote this and constantly helped me and also beta'd it for me. she's literally the best person ever and you should follow her on [tumblr](http://sstensland.tumblr.com) as well!
> 
> so yeah here's this fic it's unadulterated fluff and awkwardness and i love these two idiots?? also my first time actually writing kylux so have fun!
> 
> please let me know if you see any errors or anything thanks!

“Hold the door!”

 

The door to the elevator was shutting, but if the person he barely glimpsed inside would just--

 

There!

 

Ben slid inside, panting a little from the sudden jog he’d taken to make sure he could make it.

 

“Tha--”

 

He stopped short, words dying on his lips as the doors closed behind him.

 

It was _him_. Of course it was him, just like nearly every goddamned morning.

 

Hux.

 

Ben only knew the man’s name from the mailboxes, that name printed neatly under the number. He was about 85% sure it was his last name, but he knew next to nothing about the man, otherwise.

 

Except for the fact that he was utterly gorgeous and always, _always_ on his phone.

 

It was infuriating.

 

Even now, as he nodded his head to Ben, understanding what he had been going to say, his ear was glued to the phone, a voice filtering from the speaker, the man’s eyes nearly glazed over as he listened, a bored look on his face.

 

The elevator ride was awkward. It always was. Well, maybe not for Hux; he could never tell what the other was thinking despite his many attempts to try. After all, they’d shared many elevator rides down in the morning over the past months. Just them. Them and the words Hux spoke into the phone. Otherwise, silence.

 

It always went the same way.

 

Ben would try and gather his courage to talk to him, _really_ talk to him, and Hux would be on his phone, mostly silent, but giving replies every now and then, often short and to the point, voice clipped and edged with an accent he couldn’t quite place in those few syllables.

 

He couldn’t bear it.

 

\---

 

“You’re late. Again.”

 

Hux winced as he entered the building, pulling his jacket closer around his shoulders.

 

“I know Mitaka, just, traffic, you know.”

 

Mitaka gave him an unimpressed look. “You walk here.”

 

He scoffed. “There is still foot traffic.”

 

His assistant rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Hux.”

 

He walked past the younger man, barely withholding his own eyeroll as he proceeded down the hall towards his office. Mitaka was not a bad person, in fact, Hux rather liked him. He was efficient and hardworking, if a little timid at times.

 

“Was it the elevator boy again?”

 

And listened to Phasma’s gossip way too often.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He refused to acknowledge the waver in his voice or the flutter in his chest.

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Hux closed the door behind him as he entered his office, taking a deep breath.

 

He hated how just the mention of Ben had his heart racing, his skin feeling flushed, his voice wavering. And yet he’d barely ever said two words to the guy.

 

He’d tried. But the words always stuck in his throat; he couldn’t get them out. His hands would get clammy, his heart race. He just couldn’t do it. Instead, he put his phone to his ear and called Mitaka or Phasma. Or sometimes nobody at all. It was easy to talk to them, even with Ben just a few feet from him. He wasn’t sure what was wrong with him.

 

He was pathetic.

 

Even Phasma told him so when he had admitted over a few too many whiskeys that he usually waited in the elevator for Ben, holding down the door open button until he saw the familiar dark hair at the end of the corridor.

 

Hux wasn’t sure why he did it. Or, well, he was, but not when he wasn’t able to do anything about it. He just couldn’t make the words come to him to actually _speak_ to the man.

 

He was so fucked.

 

\---

 

It took another two weeks for Ben to gather that courage again. This time, at least, he wasn’t having to sprint before the doors closed. It seemed too many times that he was running late; it was a wonder he almost always managed to catch the elevator down with Hux.

 

Nodding his greeting to the man, as was his norm when he wasn’t slipping in at the last minute so he wouldn’t disturb the important conversations the other seemed to have to make every morning, he tried to steel himself for the potential conversation ahead.

 

A few moments passed, Ben’s heart beating too fast in his chest. He could do this. Just. Say ‘Hi’ or something. Anything. They were neighbors. They should have more interaction than just a nod on the morning elevator down, right? He wasn’t even sure if Hux knew his name.

 

Just as he opened his mouth, the elevator jolted suddenly.

 

Ben stumbled, his arm going out to clutch the first thing he could to regain his balance.

 

Which apparently happened to be Hux’s arm.

 

“Uh, sorry,” he muttered as he retracted his hand. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He was sure there was red across his cheeks. Stupid. Of all the first real things to say to Hux, it had to be that.

 

“Quite all right,” the red-haired man replied before turning slightly to address the phone once more. “Listen Mitaka, I have a situation, I’ll---Mitaka? Hello? Shit!” If it had still been the days of flip phones, Ben was sure it would have snapped close much harder than necessary. As it was, Hux aggressively stuck his phone back in his pocket with a barely contained growl.

 

“I’ve lost service, apparently.” Ben was surprised at how...not angry the sentence was said, given the previous actions. There even was a slight tremble to it, so different than his normal voice.

 

“Oh.”

 

Real smooth, Ben.

 

He cleared his throat to try and expel the jitters that had overcome him. This was not how he imagined the morning would go. Preferably, he would have been able to talk to Hux, somehow manage to win him over and ask him out for coffee.

 

Doubtful that would happen now.

 

“So. We. Should. Probably do something about this?” Ben hated that it ended up coming out as a question instead of a statement, but the whole situation had him floundering, unsure of what to say and how to say it.

 

“Yeah, probably.” Once again, he noticed that the voice seemed so much different than what he’d heard before. Still had that accent, but it seemed so much less confident than it was even just a minute before. He wondered why, before realizing he was staring.

 

He just couldn’t help it, not when he was easily able to actually look at him fully, instead of from the corner of his eye or the brief look he was afforded as he stepped into the elevator.

 

Hux was gorgeous. There were few other words he could think of that even came close to describing him. That soft looking ginger hair, the sharp cut of his cheekbones, his thin frame...it just wasn’t fair. The man was like fire and he, shadow, with his unruly dark hair, awkward features, and too big body.

 

A cough. Ben startled, realizing he had still been staring and felt his face heating. Fuck. He was just making a huge fool of himself. Hux would never be interested in someone like him.

 

“Yeah. Uhm, sorry. There should be a button. Or a phone.” He took the step to the panel, aware that he was a little closer to Hux. He tried not to take so much notice of it, but it was difficult not to. Not when he was just _right there._

 

No. He couldn’t think of that. Instead, he pressed the large red button labelled ‘Emergency’

 

“I...guess we’re supposed to wait?” Another statement that came out a question. Ben basically hated himself in that moment.

 

A small grin from Hux. “I suppose so.”

 

His heart soared. A smile! Hux had smiled at him. Just that had his heart pounding a bit harder. Ben felt his lips twitch up in response.  

 

Maybe this wasn’t so bad.

 

\---

 

It was just Hux’s luck.

 

He’d just managed to put his phone to his ear when Ben had entered the elevator, actually calling Mitaka this time and not just pretending. Managed to actually have a conversation.

 

Then the elevator got stuck. And his phone died. Well, it had lost service, but might as well as be dead.

 

But those two things meant actual conversation.

 

Maybe he could pretend to be mute.

 

Wait. That wouldn’t work. He’d already talked into his phone in Ben’s presence. Ben knew he could talk and hear.

 

It was astounding that he’d managed to get through what little conversation they’d had so far. And managed to give a little smile.

 

Oh, and a smile returned. He felt his cheeks warm. Oh, no. This wouldn’t be good.

 

“This is Apartment Security, can I help you?”

 

Oh thank God, something to distract him.

 

Hux cleared his throat and looked away from Ben. “Yes, we’re, uh, a little stuck. The elevator stopped between levels 3 and 4.”

 

“Alright. We’ll have maintenance there as soon as we can. Might take a little while, but don’t worry, they’ll be there as soon as they can. How many are inside?”

 

Anxiousness clenched within him. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this, being in an enclosed space with Ben. The few seconds it took to descend from their 5th floor to the 1st was bad enough as it was. God, he hoped help would come soon. While he did somewhat enjoy actually being around Ben and being able to talk to him (and seeing that smile), he would end up making a fool of himself before too long.

 

“Sir?”

 

“Yes? Oh.” He realized he’d been spacing out a little. “There are two of us here, uh, Hux and Ben.” He didn’t know why he gave their names, there probably was no reason to; he was just nervous. He was stuck in an elevator with one of the most attractive men he’s ever seen. That dark hair, his emotive eyes, that large body...no, he needed to not think of that. Not with Ben standing there, staring at him with a…

 

A dumbfounded look on his face?

 

“What?” Hux wondered if maybe he had something on his face. Did he? He withheld the sudden urge to check. But why was he staring at him like that?

 

“You...know my name?”

 

Shit.

 

He didn’t even realize he had made the slip, too busy worrying about how long it would take to get out of the elevator. But now he had admitted to knowing Ben’s name. His face immediately heated up. God, he was so embarrassed.

 

“I. Uhm. Saw your name on your mailbox…” He drifted off, biting his lip. Hux didn’t want to reveal any more than he needed to. He looked down at the floor instead of looking at Ben. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stare into those wonderfully brown eyes.

 

“Oh. Uhm. I...kind of knew your name too. From your mailbox. Hux. Is that...your last name?”

 

“Yes. I’m not too fond of my first name.” He tried not to let the fact that apparently Ben knew his name affect him too badly. Regardless, his heart rate sped up without his opinion on the fact and if he could blush any harder, he was sure he would.

 

Hux really wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this.

 

“Hey, do you want to, maybe, sit down?”  

 

Ben seemed to fidget for a moment, not looking at him. Hux couldn’t blame him. There was no way that the other would be interested in him, with his too skinny frame and awkward limbs.

 

“I just figured...since we don’t know how long we’ll be here...might as well be comfortable?”

 

The dark-haired man looked at Hux and it took everything in his power to not melt right then. That look in his eyes...He wanted to say yes to anything Ben said just to see those eyes forever.

 

“Oh. Yeah.” Hux cleared his throat again; every word he said felt like it was sticking in his throat just slightly, reluctant to face the air. “That sounds...good.”

 

Why was he hesitating so much? It wasn’t like there was anything risqué about sitting on the elevator floor, even if it was with the man you were low-key crushing on for months.

 

How he was going to get out of this alive and without completely embarrassing himself, he wasn’t sure.

 

\---

 

Ben released a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. There was no reason for him to be so nervous about such a simple thing. Then again, there was no reason for the swirl of butterflies that had fluttered within him when Hux admitted to knowing his name. It was stupid. After all, their names _were_ on their mailboxes. It wasn’t like they lived in anonymity.

 

Biting his lower lip, he carefully sat down, folding into a cross-legged position on the floor. He looked up and watched as Hux followed him to the floor, opting to keep his legs out, ankles crossed. His fingers were clasped in his lap and fiddled there.

 

He tore his eyes from that. No reason to stare in that...general direction. Hux himself was looking there, but he supposed that was allowed. At least he could look at the ginger-haired man without worrying he’d look up at catch him at it.

 

A sudden cough erupted from Ben’s lungs. The other looked up at him, blinking, a slight look of shock on those fine features.

 

Well. So much for that idea.

 

“Sorry,” he muttered, biting his lip again. “So, uh. We got the names thing out of the way pretty easily. Uhm. What do you do for a living?”

 

Wow. What a way to start off a conversation. Delving into personal life.

 

Hux blinked at him, obviously not expecting that question. Who would? They’d basically just met (the fact that they knew each others’ names beside the point) why would anyone expect such a question.

 

“You don’t have to answer that. Just. You know. I’d rather not spend the time in complete silence so…”

 

“It’s okay.” A soft smile. God, Ben would do anything for that smile. “I work for First Order Enterprises.”

 

“Oh wow. They’re...pretty big.”

 

Pretty big. That was an understatement. And also such a weird phrasing. He tried not to actually cringe after he’d said it.

 

The other man chuckled, making Ben almost smile again. This man, while most definitely still the same one he’d been crushing on for months, seemed almost a different creature. Not nearly as stiff and forbidding as he had seemed and how he wanted to know more about him, wanted to know everything about it, wanted to trace his jaw with his finger tips or with his lips or--

 

He had to stop. Especially since Hux was talking to him and he’d heard precisely zero of what he said. Except for the last bit asking what he did.

 

“Oh. I’m just a bartender. Down at Takodana’s. Not nearly as impressive, I know.” A rue smile. He was nothing compared to Hux.

 

“No, that’s interesting, really. I’d always thought bartending seemed interesting.”

 

Ben quirked an eyebrow. “You don’t have to lie to me. It’s really not.”

 

“No, really. I wouldn’t lie, not to--” Hux cut himself off, his eyes flicking back down to where his hands lay, still fidgeting. “I just. Really do find that intriguing. Not a lie.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Ben didn’t know what to say. Few people really actually found his job interesting. It wasn’t the best paying job, especially since he wasn’t the best people person (and really, being a people person was how one made good tips and could afford living as a bartender). But he found something peaceful, meditative, in the way that he mixed the drinks together, relishing the challenge of a drink he barely knew, one he didn’t make often, or one that was particularly difficult.

 

They lapsed into a silence, Hux still fidgeting in his corner, fingers tapping against one another, one foot absently rubbing against the other ankle. Ben didn’t know what else to say. Not after that. Not after thinking how he had actually seemed interested in his shitty job, not after wondering what the hell Hux had been going to say before stopping.

 

It was starting to feel too hot in the elevator. While he was sure he wasn’t blushing as badly as he had been earlier, he still felt a certain warmth to his cheeks he couldn’t get rid of (and he was sure his horrendously large ears were still at least a little bit red as well, as they had a tendency to do, though luckily they were hidden by his hair).

 

He really wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

 

“So,” they both said in unison, before cutting off.

 

Ben laughed and Hux smiled.

 

“Ah, go ahead,” Ben allowed with an open handed gesture towards the other, amusement still playing in his voice.

 

“Oh. Okay. Uhm. So if you’re a bartender, I assume you work at night?” Ben nodded then Hux continued, “Then why are you always on the elevator at this time?”

 

He blinked. Then tried to play it off. “I go to the gym. I try and keep it at a regular time so…” He wasn’t going to mention that he had changed his regular time after a few times of getting up too early and deciding to go out for coffee and happened to see Hux on the elevator around the same time on those days. Hopefully Hux hadn’t noticed anything like that. He didn’t need to be caught out on such a thing. Still, he felt his ears redden more, his cheeks doing likewise. It wasn’t a lie. That is why he was always on the elevator with Hux. Now.

 

“That makes sense. What, uhm, were you going to say?”

 

Ben looked down at the floor, biting his lip. “I was just wondering why you still lived here. I mean,” he shifted slightly, uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be presumptuous, but the thought had crossed his mind and his filter was quickly clogged with this situation. This extended proximity to Hux was short circuiting his brain, making all the worst things fall from his lips. “I would just think, working at First Order, you’d like some place a little nicer.”

 

The man man gave another little smile. “Perhaps.” A shrug, and a tendril of his red hair fell over his forehead, out from its apparently carefully styled place. Ben resisted the urge to touch, to reach out and fix it, to feel the texture of his hair, see if it was as soft as it looked.

 

He was losing control so easily.

 

“But I rather like it here. Anyways, Millie dislikes change, so it would be too much hassle, I think.”

 

Millie. Ben tried to not feel jealous over it. Of course someone like Hux would already have someone, a _girl_. It didn’t surprise him. He shouldn’t feel that pang of sadness and jealousy within him, he shouldn’t. This man was just someone that lived near him, someone he rode with on the elevator nearly every day, someone that he had this stupid crush. He was practically a stranger.

 

And yet, here he was, feeling pathetic that he thought he might ever have a chance with him, if only he could ever open his mouth and actually _say_ something.

 

“Millie?” The words came out a little shaky, maybe with a little crack of his voice, but he tried not to let it be too obvious.

 

He wasn’t sure if he could take the answer, but he had to try, didn’t he?

 

A soft smile, more beautiful than any Hux had given so far.

 

But it wasn’t aimed at him. It was for this...this _Millie._ Not for him, not ever for him.

 

\---

 

Hux couldn’t help but smile when thinking of his Millicent. He wouldn’t have necessarily called himself lonely (for he was not; his life was fine he had some friends, he did not get lonely going back to his apartment with no one there and little to do besides the few times he went out with Phas and/or Mitaka) but he had found a certain enjoyment in having a cat in his apartment, in being able to curl up on the couch with nothing but a glass of wine and Millicent to accompany him.

 

It was nice.

 

“Ah, yes. Millicent, her name is, really, but I do quite adore her.”

 

He almost disliked the way his voice changed when speaking of Millie, but really, she was perhaps one of the most precious things in his life right now.

 

That was a sad thought. Best not to think of that.

 

Shaking his head slightly, he looked back to Ben...who seemed a little disappointed? That was odd. But, he did not know the man at all, he didn’t know how he might feel about things. But he wanted to know about him, as much as he could.

 

“Do you?” The other’s voice seemed...different than it was before. Hux tried not to be disappointed that maybe he just wasn’t as interested in conversation as he was before, that he was boring him.

 

“Ah, yeah. Never thought a garbage bin find would mean so much to me.”

 

Ben stared at him. And stared some more, until Hux coughed slightly. Really, he was almost sure he had something on his face.

 

“What?”

 

“I...she was rescued from a garbage bin?” He really wasn’t sure what to say. Ben’s responses made little sense to him in this context. Perhaps...perhaps he was drawing from some other context? “You know...Millie is a cat, right?”

 

“A cat?” Ben’s voice seemed a bit strangled; it was obvious he hadn’t thought that.

 

He couldn’t help it. The whole idea was too amusing. Hux started laughing. His hands came up to his mouth to cover it, but still the sounds made it out, echoing slightly in the elevator.

 

He knew he probably looked ridiculous, and probably seemed a bit cruel, laughing at the other like that, but the idea was too humorous.

 

Chancing a look at Ben, seeing how annoyed he looked at the laughter, arms crossed and refusing to look at him.

 

“I’m sorry, I just...you thought she was a woman, didn’t you?”

 

“Well,” he threw up his arms a bit and huffed. “It’s not like you made it obvious.”

 

Hux grinned. “I suppose not. But to make it obvious, Millie is a cat and I’m not interested in any woman.”

 

Shit.

 

He hadn’t actually meant to say that last part. Think it, maybe, but say it, that was the last thing he wanted; it made him seem so... _desperate._ And maybe he kind of was, but that wasn’t the point. Now he had sat here and outed himself to Ben, who probably thought that information unnecessary. Or worse, that he was disgusted by him.

 

“You’re gay?” Hux tried not to think that was a slightly hopeful lilt to his voice.

 

Eyes were drawn back to his lap, not able to look into Ben’s eyes, those lovely brown eyes. “I...yeah.”

 

“I...I am too.”

 

It was Hux’s turn to stare, trying hard not to feel that little tendril of hope that was starting to worm into him. The likelihood that his crush was also interested in men had been slim enough; there was no way he’d also be interested in him.

 

“Really?” His voice did not crack. It most definitely did not. Eyes were drawn back to his hands in his lap. He couldn’t take the denial he was sure was to be evident in the man’s face.

 

“I, uh, yeah. Funny, huh?”

 

Hux managed a small smile. “Yeah. Funny.” Chancing a look up, he wasn’t sure what to make of Ben’s expression. It wasn’t denial, not really, but...no, he shouldn’t hang on to this, shouldn’t think about what couldn’t be. They were strangers, nothing else. One talk in an elevator wouldn’t change that. Though...maybe he could manage to make more of an effort to talk in the mornings. Or he could just...actually try.

 

Oh God, he was going to hate himself so much after this.

 

Deep breaths, he reminded himself, deep breaths. “Listen, Ben, I know we just met.” He tried so hard not to read a hopeful look on the other’s face, shining in those lovely eyes of his, so expressive. “But I was--”

 

He was cut off by the sound of shouting right outside the elevator car.

 

“You guys okay in there?”

 

Rescue. Thank God. Before he was about to embarrass himself.

 

“Yeah, just fine.” Hux shouted back, not daring to look at Ben, not with how red his face was. He couldn’t believe he had just been about to do that.

 

“Alright, we’re about to get you guys out, just hold tight.”

 

Sighing, he looked back at his hands, back to fidgeting in his lap. “Finally gonna get out of here, it seems.”

 

Ben let out a small laugh. Hux looked up at him, unable to resist. Whatever expression had been there before was gone now, returning to one more similar to the start of this adventure. Nice enough, but not that open look he’d had. “Yeah, thank God.”

 

Biting his lip, he turned back to silence. He wasn’t sure what else to say. Certainly not what he was going to say before.

 

It seemed silence was the only thing possible, as Ben seemed to want the same thing.

 

All too soon, or late, depending on how one looked at it, they were free, standing awkwardly outside the building.

 

“I suppose I’ll be going. Work. And all.”

 

Hux turned, trying not to feel disappointed in himself. It was for the best, after all.

 

“Hux, wait!”

 

Heart hammering, he looked back at Ben, still waiting in front of their building. That look was back. The one that seemed almost hopeful, the one that could probably have Hux saying yes to whatever it was Ben wanted.

 

“Hux, I--”

 

He couldn’t do this. He just couldn’t, sure he would be faced with disappointment. “Ben, I’ve got to go. I’m already late to work.” Pausing, he gave him a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time?”

 

“Same time.” There was no way there was a bit of disappointment in his voice. Hux couldn’t keep projecting his own thoughts onto Ben’s words. Just because he wanted it, didn’t mean it was true.

 

Giving another smile to him, he walked the rest of the way to work, trying to ignore how heavy his heart seemed. It was for the best, it really was.

 

\---

 

Ben hadn’t slept at all. He stared at his alarm clock as it ticked the minutes away, that much closer to when he needed to get up in order to see Hux.

 

Hux.

 

The name both elated him (as usual) and hurt. Ben had thought there had been something there. Besides his hopeless attraction to the red-haired man.

 

He tried not to remember the way his heart had jumped when he’d said he had no interest in women. Maybe he had read that wrong. Maybe he had no interest in anyone at all.

 

Sighing, he leaned over to turn off the alarm before it started blaring.

 

If nothing else, he’d at least be able to see Hux today. Seeing him still made him happy, even if there couldn’t be anything there. He’d done it for months already, what difference could it make?

 

But when he got to the elevator, once again running late, the door was already closed.

 

He tried not to think too much of it. It wasn’t like they met _every_ day. Just...most days. It would be okay. Hux had just gotten on before him and didn’t wait. It happened.

 

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, more than just Hux missing.

 

Scenarios ran through his head on the ride down to the lobby, constantly warring with themselves. He had run away, he had a breakfast meeting with one of the people he talked to on the phone, he was sick and called out, he...he….

 

Pausing outside the building, he looked back, worrying his bottom lip, he then looked at the doorman. If Hux had come out, he would know, right?

 

“Hey...has Hux come out?”

 

The doorman shrugged. “Haven’t seen him.”

 

That did it. He had to find out.

 

Bypassing the elevator entirely--he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep still in the elevator even to the short ride to his floor--he ran up the stairs.

 

He nearly ran past Hux’s door with the rush he was in.

 

Now that he was here, though, he wasn’t sure if he could do it. What if he was just taking a vacation day, or was avoiding him? But he needed to know.

 

He knocked on the door, perhaps a bit more frantically than necessary.

 

“Hux! Hux!”

 

The door opened, and there he was, wide-eyed. “What the hell, Ben?”

 

Ben was startled by his appearance. His hair, normally combed back into a neat hairstyle was wild and messy, not even combed, and his clothes were nothing like he normally wore. They were pajamas. Hux answered the door in his pajamas.

 

“You weren’t on the elevator and….are you sick?”

 

The man was sniffling as he stood there with slight tremble through his frame. He looked unimpressed with Ben’s conclusion.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Words were running through his head a mile a minute, all variations of things he could say. He was worried, he was scared Hux didn’t like him, he wanted to make everything better.

 

Instead, what he said was, “You weren’t on the elevator.”

 

Still unimpressed. Hux rolled his eyes and Ben bit his lip. That wasn’t the right thing, not by a long shot.

 

“Yes, well, when one is sick, one generally doesn’t go to work. Ergo, I’m not in the elevator.”

 

Ben was a little taken aback. This wasn’t the Hux he had talked to yesterday, this was the Hux he’d heard on the phone before. Snappish, a little cold. While he had still found that version of him attractive, he wanted what he’d had yesterday--the kind one, that talked to him with warmth in his voice, even if it was with hesitance and a forced situation.

 

Hux sighed, running a hand through his hair and sniffling again. “Sorry. Just. I’m not used to being sick. I...I shouldn’t have said that. But really, why?”

 

“I was worried.” He didn’t mean to say it, not really. Not like that, anyway, like Hux meant something to him. But...Hux did mean something to him. Maybe he was still just a stranger, but he knew he couldn’t just go back to the silent elevator rides; he wanted more.

 

“..Worried?”

 

Biting his lip, he tried to concentrate on something other than Hux’s face. For whatever reason, he couldn’t do it looking at him. It was too much. Everything was too much.

 

“Yeah, I. You weren’t on the elevator and I thought...I don’t know.” He made a frustrated sound at himself. God, why couldn’t he come up with the right words without sounding like an idiot? “I just. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

Looking at Hux from the corner of his eye, he noticed that the look on his face softened. Of course, the effect was ruined slightly from the sniffling and red eyes, but still….still attractive.

 

Fuck. He was fucked. He had this hopeless crush on this man and even still felt that twinge of his heart, even with him being sick and not looking nearly his best.

 

“I...thank you.”

 

Ben looked up at him again, hesitant smile on his lips. Maybe...maybe this wasn’t all bad. Maybe this could be...something, with time.

 

The returned smile that Hux gave had those thoughts short-circuiting. Time. There was no time. Didn’t people always say to live life like every moment is your last? He had to know. He just had to. Last night’s agony could not be tonight’s as well, or every night for the foreseeable future.

 

Perhaps he’d be wrong, and perhaps he’d lose the possibility of Hux as even a friend, but...he’d held on to this for so long, and finally having a taste of what he could be like, he wanted more, more, _more._

 

Thinking was not a possibility. If he thought, he wouldn’t act. He’d convince himself that it couldn’t be.

 

A deep breath.

 

Ben stepped forward. Another step. One hand wrapped around his waist, the other coming up to cup Hux’s jaw, that lovely jaw he’d only thought about touching before.

 

Their lips met.

 

It was all Ben had thought of and more. The way their lips slotted together, his nose pressed into Hux’s skin, as soft as it had looked.

 

It was perfect.

 

All too soon Hux was pulling away, staring at him, wide-eyed.

 

“What the hell, Ben?”

 

\----

 

The day had started off horrendous. He was sick. He did _not_ get sick. Except, apparently, he had. Add to that the little sleep he had gotten the night before (his thoughts plagued too much by a certain dark-haired stranger) and he was absolutely miserable.

 

Curled onto the couch with Millicent, tea on the coffee table as well as a pile of used tissues, he hadn’t planned on answering the door when someone knocked on it. Let them think he was out. After all, he usually was by this time.

 

But then he heard that voice.

 

That deep voice that had so entranced him yesterday, the one that had bounced around his thoughts throughout the day before, kept him awake at night.

 

Even still, he was a little irritated at having to disrupt his lovely cat purring in his lap. Even if it was to see that handsome neighbor of his.

 

Perhaps he’d been a bit short with Ben, cold as he tended to fall into when he was annoyed. Which was a majority of the time, according to Phasma.

 

But of all things, he hadn’t expected Ben to have really noticed his absence this morning besides a passing fancy, for him to even be _worried_ about him.

 

However, the last thing he really expected was for him to kiss him.

 

It took a moment for everything to register properly. But prior to that moment, it was all he could do to contain his elation. Finally, _finally_ , he had this, had this moment, had Ben.

 

That moment caught up to him. This...this wasn’t right.

 

“What the hell, Ben?” He exclaimed after pushing the man away, despite his ever wanting desire to draw him closer, to wrap his arms around those broad shoulders, maybe twine his fingers through that luscious dark hair. “I’m _sick_.”

 

Ben stared at him, his eyes wide as Hux’s own felt.

 

“What?”

 

If Hux didn’t already feel so warm with the sickness, he was sure he would feel as if he were on fire. As it was, he was sure he was turning bright red despite it.

 

“You’re going to get sick,” he muttered, eyes drawn to the floor. He wasn’t sure what he’d see in Ben’s eyes and wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out. His heart was still beating at what felt a million beats a minute.

 

“That’s...that’s all you have to say? That I’m going to get sick?”

 

It annoyed Hux. He wasn’t sure why, but it did. His eyes snapped back up to meet Ben’s. “What do you expect me to say?” The words were practically a hiss. “That I want you to kiss me again? That I’ve had this stupid crush on you for months and never had the balls to say anything?”

 

He was breathing heavily. One. Two.

 

Fuck.

 

The words that had slipped from his mouth caught up to him.

 

“I’ve gotta go.” He tried to back into his room, close the door, go back to bed and try not to think too hard about how Ben’s lips had felt, those soft lips against his own.

 

Except his arm was grabbed, stopping all of it before he could even start.

 

\----

 

Ben couldn’t believe it. He wouldn’t have if he hadn’t heard those words fall from Hux’s lips as they did. Even if they had been uttered with a slight hint of malice.

 

“Hux, wait.” His hand wrapped around the other’s forearm, stopping his retreat. Hux looked back at him, face red, a strange look in his eyes. Ben’s heart was pounding so hard, he was sure it was being telegraphed through his hand, that Hux could feel it.

 

“Let me go.” Hux had stopped looking at him, had looked back at the ground again. Ben couldn’t take that. He wanted to see him, to see his eyes once more, that strange grey-green that was almost blue. His other hand lifted to once more cup his jaw, pulling it upward.

 

“No.”

 

He couldn’t let Hux go. Not now. If he did...it was all over. He didn’t know why he thought this, but he did. Ben wasn’t sure he could take it. No, he was sure that he couldn’t take it.

 

“Ben. Please.”

 

There was pleading in that voice, in those eyes that he met with his own.

 

“I can’t.” His voice came out a little broken, not nearly as strong as he’d wished it to be. But he felt, no, he knew, that if he said the wrong things, it would all be lost.

 

“Why?”

 

A pause. Three deep breaths. One. Two. Three.

 

“What you said, Hux. I...I’ve felt that for months too. I kept trying to talk to you, but you were always on your goddamned phone and I was a coward, and, fuck.” Ben threw his hands up in exasperation, mostly at himself. The words seemed ridiculous now that he had uttered them.

 

To his surprise, Hux didn’t move, even with his arm released. But neither did he say anything, just looking at Ben.

 

“I just...Hux. I really like you. I know we’re strangers, but I...maybe we can go out for coffee sometime?”

 

There was no answer.

 

Instead, there was the press of Hux’s lips on his own once more, though this directed by the other himself. Fingers curled around the back of his neck, tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. Another hand gripping his shoulder.

 

His own arms wrapped around Hux’s waist as his eyes fluttered closed, lips pressing back.

 

All too soon, he pulled away.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

Hux laughed then, a sound made strange by the sickness. “Yes, you idiot. Now come make yourself useful and make me soup.”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell about these idiots with me on [tumblr](http://darthkylorevan.tumblr.com)


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